Me, me, only me. Narcissism in culture.

Narcissus falling in love with his own reflection, depicted by Rennaissance painter Caravaggio (1594-96)

The internet has brought us an army of psychologists who claim to diagnose narcissism and to advise how to spot the “signs of this “disorder”. There is no such disorder. These people are frauds. Their claim to have special skills to diagnose, is, in itself, a form of narcissism. These “experts” are symptomatic of the prevailing culture, narcissism, present everywhere, contaminating everything.

The Narcissus of Greek mythology is portrayed above in this most extraordinary painting by the late Renaissance painter Caravaggio. As Ovid, the Roman poet, relates: Echo, a beautiful mountain nymph, fell in love with Narcissus, but he rejected her. Instead, he fell in love with his reflection in a pool and remained frozen in that state till he turned into a flower.

But Narcissism is not limited to love of one’s appearance, it extends to loving everything about oneself, including one’s achievements.

I attended a medical conference recently. It was devoted to Head Injury. The keynote speaker gave an address about himself and his achievements. The chairman then invited various of the learned audience to address the remarks of the speaker or make remarks of their own. Without exception, they talked about their work and their personal lives and told “amusing” anecdotes about themselves, and, finally about their feelings. Where was the topic?

During my days at school, the teachers instructed me that when I gave a speech I was to stay on topic. “They don’t want to hear about you.” My father, who attended functions at my school, made it clear that he was there to support me though he had no interest in hearing what I had to say. I was neither surprised nor offended.

Today, parents attend their children’s school assemblies, and when their child gives a speech, they hang onto every word as though it were an utterance of Confucius. This can’t be very good for children. Then lining up smiling, the students are handed little participation certificates while photos are taken from that greatest instrument of narcissism, the mobile phone. These phones are portals to social media that become filled with endless “selfies”, millions upon millions of self-portraits, most of which will never be seen again.

The prevailing doctrine is children must be praised and encouraged to love themselves. Life’s journey is no longer the hard road to improve and reform oneself. The task of psychologists now is to validate us, to tell us how wonderful we are even when we are not. Above all it’s not our fault, it must be someone else’s.

Above all it’s not our fault, it must be someone else’s.

The mantra of self-love is that we just need to find our inner beauty. This is the work of Positive Psychology, and the goal is “self-love”. Some of us are lovable and supported but others of us are lonely and unlovable. The unloveable need a change, not a mantra to convince them that they are really beautiful and it’s not their fault. They need renovation not a coat of paint.

But what psychologist is going to tell the unlovable person the truth and then send him a bill?

Narcissism imbues excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and one's physical appearance and is, above all, fragile. Narcissism is the Emperor’s New Clothes. The emperor believes he is clothed in a magical garment but really he is naked and looks ridiculous but we are not allowed to say this. People may hold steadfastly to opinions that are patently absurd, but no one is allowed to say that because they will be accused of giving offense.

This generation holds lofty ideals about social justice and the environment which they espouse and which enhance their image but, lacking a sound basis of knowledge, they seem unable to defend these ideals when challenged. We pander to them and walk around them on eggshells. Debate is intolerable because someone will be deeply offended and suffer what is called the “narcissistic wound”. Nor can we criticize a single individual for a characteristic without being accused of offending everyone who has that characteristic.

No matter what we say someone will inadvertently be offended by what are now referred to as micro-aggressions. Yet these almost undetectable offenses are born by the offended party with all the indignation and grandeur of a crucifixion. “You disrespected me.” “You offended my race, my gender, my sexual orientation.” “You triggered my anxiety.”

In another example, we may find ourselves being accused of having a phobia of an identity group, for example, transphobia. In other words, we are accused of being afraid (phobic) of transexual people. This common claim that we are “phobic” of this and “phobic” of that is unsound in every instance. This is based on a flawed concept that originally came from Sigmund Freud who believed that “homophobic people” had unresolved homosexual impulses which they were trying to repress by being hostile to gay people. There is no scientific basis for this.

Another feature of the prevailing narcissism in our culture is the way we admire very rich people who do nothing with their lives. The most notable example is Meghan Markle who spends most of her energy talking about herself and claiming to be a victim of a Royal Family that made her a multimillionaire duchess and gave her a voice. On the scale of human suffering, hers is at the lower end. It is a perverse aspect of celebrities that they claim at the same time as exhibiting their good fortune, to be a victim. Unlike the rest of us, all of whom have suffered one terrible reversal or another, celebrities are able to wear their victimhood status all the time like a badge of honour so they can use it to excuse their obscene self-indulgence.

Meghan Markle…spends most of her energy talking about herself and claiming to be a victim of a Royal Family that made her a multimillionaire duchess and gave her a voice.

Another problem with the culture of narcissism is that it undermines an important part of the feminist program which was to free women from the oppression of having to be conventionally beautiful. The opposite has come about and made many unpleasant people in the make-up and clothing industry a lot of money. The small nose, smooth skin, large buttocks, high riding bosoms, and washboard abdomen are now considered essential prerequisites for women. These characteristics are advertised on dating apps, the prevailing mode of establishing connections. Gone forever is the notion if you love someone it does not matter what they look like. In a Tinder study taken three years ago 20% of men are dating 80% of women based purely on physical attraction, the least reliable indicator of success in a relationship. 

Gone forever is the notion if you love someone it does not matter what they look like.

Perception has become reality. But perception is not reality. We must resist this idea with everything that is in us, because, unless we do, there is no hope of truth and justice prevailing in our politics, in our courts, in our schools, or anywhere in our daily lives. Merely to be accused of having given offense is enough to destroy us and the accusation endures, repeated continually, on internet searches even when we are exonerated. The internet posting contains only the accusation and never the exoneration.

Narcissism is therefore all around us, in our politics, in our media, even in those we admire, and in the endless photographs so prolific that most will never be seen again.

If Narcissus saw a psychologist today, he would be told, “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Pop psychologists post blogs with the question, “How do I spot a Narcissist?” Look in the mirror.